Let’s talk about: Our Feelings

My sister and I had this uncomfortable undertone to our interactions for weeks and it was driving me FREAKING crazy. I was so frustrated that I finally sat down with my feelings and asked them “what the heck [were] they there for?”

“Hey, body, I’m so uncomfortable because of this situation… why? Why feelings? What’s the point of feelings in general?” There’s gotta be a point, right? And before we get too far, yes, I do talk to my feeling and yes, they talk back.

“Because they can override the mind.”

My uncomfortability spoke back to me, “because we can override the mind.”

So maybe feelings can’t literally override our mind, but they can often provide us with information before our conscious reasoning catches up. Feelings contain information that our conscious minds may have missed or not processed yet.

The feelings we experience in our bodies are deeply connected to chemical and neural systems that our brains and nervous systems use to communicate data from one system to the other.

Think about PTSD, for instance. When feelings in the body are similar to ones that were experienced during a traumatic event, a person may respond emotionally and physically as if they were reliving that event. Their nervous system can respond to a present-day experience as though it is the original threat. Feelings are informative, but are not always an accurate interpretation of the present.

Feelings are Instinctual

I like to think of my feelings like an alert system for my body.

You’ve heard of a gut feeling, right? Somehow you just know. You know someone’s lying, you know someone is pregnant, you know something is about to go down. These feelings don’t come out of nowhere. Feelings are information from our nervous systems that often are experienced before our conscious mind can process the present moment.

The War on Feelings.

“Don’t trust your feelings.”
“Women are too emotional.”
“You’re overreacting.”

If you are anything like me, those phrases have been part of the soundtrack of your life.

Feelings were designed for our survival, yet, people tell us not to trust them. Feelings are influenced by experiences that our bodies have deemed valuable enough to use resources (energy) on. That seems serious to me. Sometimes the people or systems around us benefit when we don’t listen to what our feelings are telling us.

Learning the Language of Feelings

As I mentioned before, while feelings are informative, they are also pretty abstract and not often an accurate interpretation of the present. This is why people have gotten away with telling us “not to trust [our] feelings.” In reality, feelings are often just misunderstood or taken too at face value, when in reality they are like magical little messengers.

Though our feelings may be bad at understanding the constructs of time, when we learn to speak their language, they can be wildly informative. I personally like to use my feelings like a cheat code. I even joke about knowing people’s secret by listening to how I feel around them (it’s not really a joke.) But first, I had to learn how to talk to them.

Here’s what I’ve learned through conversing with my feelings:

• Feelings can tell if you’re just trying to get something out of them. When I first started spending time with my feelings, I was very transactional. Like, “hey, what are you here for?” Trying to move them right along, so that I didn’t have to spend too much time with them. They did NOT like that and it’s definitely not the way to get what you are looking for.
• Feelings want you to see them and spend time with them. After realizing that rushing them out wasn’t going to work, I tried just telling them “I see you. I feel you.” “Hey, pain (you s.o.b.), I see ya. Whatcha up to?” And sometimes they’d disappear on first glance and sometimes they’d spill their guts and sometimes I’d get nothing.
• Feelings aren’t always what you think they are. I had avoided sitting with my fear for days. When I finally did, my fear said “you’re so brave.” Me, flabbergasted, “you mean to tell me my fear is here to tell me I’m brave.” Fear said, “well you wouldn’t need to be brave if you weren’t afraid.” ….. Oh… okay…..

Feelings are Valuable Data Points

Feelings are data and data is wildly valuable. Still, data requires interpretation.

I’m not saying you should let your emotions lead every decision, but maybe they should be informing them a bit, especially after a bit of consideration.

With this new perspective, I began to look at feelings as more of a tool. They teach me so much about my present and my past and the people around me. Now, I’m informing you and my teenager and anyone else who will listen… to listen to your feelings. They are highly informational data points about your life and environment. Understanding their purpose in your present day life can radically improve how you move through the world and how you heal from past traumas.